High-Speed-Dating-Internationally
So obviously I’ve lived abroad now and have met some really amazing people…including men! As a cultural explorer, its always amazing to meet someone, especially a guy who is well-traveled, interested in cultures and is open for adventurous journeys. I’m kind of a modern-day hippie. I pack light, it doesn’t take much to make me happy- usually a sunset and cheese, and I don’t really subscribe to the idea of “stability.” I’m stable in my internal self- so stability I have.
Anyways, did you know that if you decide to travel and find love abroad, it is more likely for you to meet a non-English native speaker than it is for you to find one? I know in our American-Britain-Australian minds, we think no matter where we go, everyone is going to speak English. But that’s not true. Actually, there are only 18 out of 195 countries where this a majority Native English speaker population. Now granted, English is the official language of business and while most multi-national companies will be conducted in English, other people speak their native language and their English might not be perfected. Yes, many individuals take English in their schools….but we all took Spanish or French…and how has that served most of us? Prolly non-existent. Lol Its the same with them.
So most of the amazing guys I met don’t speak fluent English. Its a lot of smiling, google translate and using hand motions to try to articulate a thought. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of time and can sometimes leave you feeling lacking because you can’t fully articulate how you feel and the cultural barrier means some things that impact you, they may not understand. But thankfully, I’ve met some cool guys from France, Morocco, Argentina, India, Belgium and more who have made big impacts on how I view dating someone who doesn’t speak English. Its a test of patience and learning, as you literally build from nothing.
While in Belgium I had an interesting conversation with a group of individuals whom I met where I was living. My new friends were from Burundi, Italy, Spain, France, and Colombia. And there was me. I think I went out with them 3 times during my five-day stay. Well, one night, we were at a pub and a guy was trying to get my number. Because Belgium is less than 2 hours from the Netherlands, Germany, France, England, and multiple other countries, there is an eclectic mix of languages spoken at all times. Ultimately, the conversation between myself and the other guy was at a standstill. His first language was Dutch. After a few moments of awkward silence, I veered back towards my friend group and gave the guy a smile and a wave. They were all curious about what happened. I told them that he kept saying, “My English is not good.” Despite my assuring him that it was better than my Dutch (which is non-existent) he didn’t feel comfortable communicating with me. So my friends led me to something. They said that, across the continent of Europe, you will find all sorts of languages spoken. The only country with English as the official language in the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) and Ireland. So naturally, everyone speaks their first language and when they speak to others the language that is spoken is English- but usually an imperfect one. Everyone speaks slow, with caution and they realize some messages will be interpreted in a way that may not fully express their true desire that they could say in their mother tongue. They mentioned that TV, Music, and Movies are often with English subtitles so they use those methods to learn the lingo.
My new group of friends asked me how quickly I was speaking. I said I think…normal. He said, yeah, well your normal is super quick and he may have not been able to follow. He said, were you using slang and inserting jokes. I said…um, yeah, I don’t know. I’m not sure. He said we are all very conscious of just use the simplest form of language when speaking to each other. I thought about my journey in learning Spanish. One on one, I’m amazing. In a group with all Spanish speakers, I’m completely lost. I usually zone out, pull out my phone and just escape the conversation. Then the final question that really stung…they asked, did you look at him funny when he pronounced a word? I said, honestly I don’t know! At this point, I felt horrible. I know that my non-conscious non-verbals did something. And finally, they said it. And not just them, other friends have mentioned this too. They said, they normally don’t like dating American/Brit/Aussies because we make them feel uncomfortable, not good enough and frustrated because of our lack of patience and understanding when dealing with a non-native English speaker.
So this is something I have been practicing and I encourage you to as well. Because for me, the most adventurous people I meet are not Americans, so it’s likely I’ll end up with some guy who is happy living in a camper van with an infant as we explore the ends of the earth. But I challenge us all to speak more to non-native English speakers. Get used to different accents, sentence pacing, and imperfect English and do the following:
Speak slower
Don’t use slang and inside jokes
Use simplified English. No need to show off your vocabulary while around those who are learning English
Who knows, maybe one day I’ll end up on 90-day Fiance :)
Oh, and PS…to get a really good laugh…turn on music and watch how they sing it….they don’t be knowin’ the words AT ALL…but then you just teach em :)
